My sister and I were estranged for about 5 years when she was in her 50s and I in my 60s. Our estrangement occurred after she met and married a man who seemed to me to be controlling and too interested in her money. We were friendly, occasionally my husband and I socialized with her and her boyfriend, then husband, but it was touchy. After an argument on the phone between her husband and me, she cut me off.

The reconciliation began when my husband and I drove 3 days to attend her husband's memorial service after he committed suicide. It surprised my sister that we would attend - while I could not imagine not attending to support her, regardless of her feelings about me. That did much to break the ice. Since then we have talked on the phone rarely but have emailed and have visited twice.

We do NOT talk about the reason we were estranged in the first place. She talks about her late husband and I never say a bad word about him, I acknowledge fully how much her time with him meant to her. We are both happy to be communicating and sharing stories about family and our parents. I am very sorry for my touchiness about her husband when he was alive and, if we were to talk about it, I would take responsibility for my part - though there were things he did and said that made things difficult.

SO - showing up for important occasions, acting as if things were normal when we were together until they actually were, not rehashing disagreements of the past, and just clearly enjoying each other's company have made this reconciliation possible. Probably one aspect is our ages -- we don't have forever and neither of us wants to waste more years in our lives estranged.