After years of verbal abuse, I finally cut my father off. It wasn't complete estrangement, but I avoided his calls and would only speak to him on rare occasions. My father was not allowed to visit my home during this time.

Eventually we reconciled, and I found the only thing that makes our relationship work is me maintaining boundaries and setting realistic expectations. I longed for a father who said and did kind, loving things, and when this man did not appear, I was doubly frustrated. By accepting my father for who he is, I avoided this let down.

The most important thing is boundaries. While I cannot change how my father acts, I can respond differently. Now when he says awful things, I cut him off and end the conversation or visit. Also, his visits need to be limited in time and have a definite end. By keeping him at a distance and maintaining boundaries, we are able to at least have some kind of relationship, even if it isn't the one I wish we had.