There are four children in our family: my older sister, me, and my twin brothers. As we grew up and became independent adults, one of us would be 'cut-off' from the family by our father. He encouraged us to not reach out or speak with whoever was estranged, including our mother. Other times, we were all together and get-togethers were a lot of fun. This went on for over 30+ years. Now, all of us are estranged by our father and we have had no contact with either of our parents for about 6 years. They have blocked our phone numbers. I hope they are doing ok and I send a Christmas card every year. We are all at different levels of healing.
I think my siblings and I would all be ok with being back in touch with them and to have short visits with boundaries but we cannot reach them. None of us have contact information for other relatives or friends so we have no way of knowing if they are ok.
There was a lot of dysfunction in our home growing up with some psychological and physical abuse. We tried our best to either 'not be a bother/be seen or heard', to try and make them happy but in the end, we all needed to survive and live our lives as best we could. I love my siblings very much and we all try to stay in touch with each other. We appreciate what we have together and are grateful for each other. My sister lives far away but we have video chats regularly. I visit with my brothers and their families every few months.
I am doubtful there will be a reconciliation and from time to time, I read the obituaries wondering if I will come across their names. This might seem sad to other people reading this but for me, I live with the knowledge that they raised good people who work hard and try to give back to their communities. I celebrate them almost everyday through small memories: the way I spread peanut butter on my sandwich is how my dad did, how I love to garden and build things just like my mom. I have the same sense of humour as my mom and a passion for learning as my dad. When I look in the mirror, I see my mothers' eyes and smile. When I look at my hands, I see my dad's hands. I live my life as a testament to all the good things about them.
They are good people but think their own past and sadness has tricked their minds into thinking that there is no other way but to keep the doors closed. If I could send them a message it would be to say the past is the past and I love them very much.