Our family business was going through some major changes. My father, the patriarch and founder, was aging and making bad decisions. My son, fresh out of graduate school, and I decided we had the skills and energy to help, so we stepped in and helped. First on the list was updating the ancient accounting software. We both spent a few years working at the business, updating software, inventory, catalogs, and more. At a meeting of all the family members who were involved in the business we began questioning the patriarch (my father) about succession, asking why he wasn't looking at the two recent college graduates to step into the business. He and my sister who also worked full-time at the business both reacted very badly at this meeting. My son and I left. I wrote my sister and father telling them what I thought of their behavior toward my son, I felt there were apologies due, and when no apologies were extended, the four of us became estranged; my son and me from my father and sister.
Years later, with no contact between us, we had grown accustomed to not having big family get-togethers. We no longer spent our holidays as a big family. We were all split up, but not into "camps." Everyone remained cordial with one another...there was just no "mixing" going on. I missed my sister and I missed seeing my adult nieces and nephews since there were few opportunities to see them outside of holiday gatherings.
Earlier this year, a dear friend of mine (my "surrogate" dad) suddenly passed away…then I found out one of my best friends had died of stage four cancer. She had not told anyone she was ill. My heart was absolutely broken. I cried and cried...it was really horrible. On one especially horrible morning, I texted my sister and said, "I don't want to go through my life never having spoken to my sister again....can we work this out?" And she said yes...it was a bit awkward...we've never spoken about our estrangement, but we are moving forward together.
And then my mother had a health crisis...I was the first one on the scene and had called an ambulance. This meant I would have to cross paths with my father for the first time in years. He opened the door to me and the EMTs, said, "Come in," and that was it. We attended to my mom's health, and ever since that hospital stay, I have seen my dad on several occasions. I am always cordial, always helpful, but not necessarily loving toward him. But as he is now the sole caretaker for my mom each day, I feel he deserves some credit for taking care of her as she recovers.
It took years, the deaths of two good friends, and a hospital stay to get us all together. It's not the same as it was years ago, but it's better than it has recently been. It's those tragedies that made me re-evaluate my behavior. So far, so good.