I am almost 70 and my sister is almost 5 years younger. We grew up as good friends in a loving but somewhat judgmental family. I always perceived my sister as the “golden child” (and she did recognize this status, it turns out), while I never quite measured up. She got great grades, I got C’s; she was a cheerleader/member of the in crowd, I wasn’t - you get the idea. Mind you, I wasn’t a bad kid, but as I later found out, my parents expected me to be the one to screw up.
Well, when my sister was a teenager, she had a pregnancy scare and rather than coming to me, she told my folks, who were horrified. Turns out she wasn’t, but that altered the family dynamic forever more. All of a sudden, the golden child was tarnished, and it fell to me to carry the weight of being the “good one.” The whole thing sucked, and as I said, it altered every relationship within the family. The estrangement with my sister began there. She went to college, met a boy, and decided to run away with him. Well, she never got far, broke up with him and went back to college, but the damage to all our relationships was done.
Fast forward a few years to her second marriage. The second guy was a psychologist and a control freak. They were married for 26 years, and though we only lived 6 hours apart, I only saw her a handful of times during those years. Neither I nor my husband could stand to be around him. He was emotionally abusive, and truly broke her spirit, which was the hardest thing for me to deal with on those few times we were together.
But I didn’t confront him or her about it, preferring to bide my time and not burn any bridges, in hopes she and I could reconcile one day after he was dead. As it turned out, it happened before that! About 7 years ago I got an email from her saying I would probably be shocked, and she hoped I wouldn’t be upset, but that she had left her husband with the intent to divorce him! Shocked, yes - upset, he’ll no! Thrilled and amazed is more like it! I immediately called her and we talked for 2 hours. She told me it had been coming for awhile.
My sister, miraculously, came out the other side of that immediately healthy, happy, and whole! She has worked her way out of the bad credit he left her with, has a wonderful fulfilling career, and best of all, a new (or renewed) best friend in me! I’m headed down next week to visit her for a few days, as a matter of fact. The end of this testimonial is to say that I am so glad I didn’t burn those bridges during the “dark years.” If I had, we would not have had the opportunity to reconnect and reconcile the way we have. Our family is tiny, and we’re really it, so it’s been a huge blessing in both our lives.